Girl on Top
A few weeks ago, while I was out with my friends I had met a cute guy and we had exchanged numbers. A few days later he hadn't called me and, for the first time ever, I made the first move and called. Surprisingly he called back. We talked for a bit and met up one afternoon. We wandered around looking for a place to eat and once we finished lunch he invited me back to his place for a drink.
As paranoid and mature as I am, when it comes to dealing with men I'm very naive (although my naivite is diminishing). I didn't know what going back to his place equated to. He grabbed some Coronas, we went upstairs to his room and watched some TV. One thing led to another and, because I was attracted to him, things went a bit further than I had anticipated. I was a bit freaked out because being with men I don't know is not something I typically do. I was also upset with my judgement call because during the course of our lunch date, I actually came to kind of take a liking to the guy.
I was expecting not to hear from him ever again. I chalked it up to experience and labeled it as such. I convinced myself that liking him wasn't plausible anymore because he only wanted one thing from me and he got it already. Much to my surprise he actually called me two days later. He left a message, I called him back the next day, got his voicemail, then... nothing. I didn't hear from him for about a week so I called him again and he called me back a few minutes later. We chatted and he said we would make plans to hang out "really soon." He then disappeared for another week when I texted him last Wednesday while I was looking for something to do that night. He texted back, invited me over in fact, but unfortunately for him my life is multi-faceted and I had already made alternate plans.
I am increasingly feeling like the pursuer in this situation and as much as I believe that women can be in a dominant role, I prefer not to do so in the dating field. Even if he just wants more of the same, can't he at least try to initialize contact? Is that so difficult?
Please, someone, anyone, enlighten me. I'm getting bored of men with no balls.
As paranoid and mature as I am, when it comes to dealing with men I'm very naive (although my naivite is diminishing). I didn't know what going back to his place equated to. He grabbed some Coronas, we went upstairs to his room and watched some TV. One thing led to another and, because I was attracted to him, things went a bit further than I had anticipated. I was a bit freaked out because being with men I don't know is not something I typically do. I was also upset with my judgement call because during the course of our lunch date, I actually came to kind of take a liking to the guy.
I was expecting not to hear from him ever again. I chalked it up to experience and labeled it as such. I convinced myself that liking him wasn't plausible anymore because he only wanted one thing from me and he got it already. Much to my surprise he actually called me two days later. He left a message, I called him back the next day, got his voicemail, then... nothing. I didn't hear from him for about a week so I called him again and he called me back a few minutes later. We chatted and he said we would make plans to hang out "really soon." He then disappeared for another week when I texted him last Wednesday while I was looking for something to do that night. He texted back, invited me over in fact, but unfortunately for him my life is multi-faceted and I had already made alternate plans.
I am increasingly feeling like the pursuer in this situation and as much as I believe that women can be in a dominant role, I prefer not to do so in the dating field. Even if he just wants more of the same, can't he at least try to initialize contact? Is that so difficult?
Please, someone, anyone, enlighten me. I'm getting bored of men with no balls.
posted by Justine Goes Green at 2:05 PM
6 Comments:
Don't give him the satisfaction of continuous calls. In fact, don't bother with him. If he -truly- was into you, he would have made a deliberate and concerted effort immediately. However, you're more then a one-night fling which is what it appears he's looking for in a girl. Instead, you have brains.
I think it's definitely ok to ask out a guy like you did. I like women with courage. And speaking for every shy guy out there, I would love to be approached by a woman and invited out for drinks. Life is all about going after what you want, right? Just be prepared for the possible unintended consequences. In some guy's minds, your assertiveness conjures up unwarranted fantasies of no-commitment sex. The other dilemma with asking a guy out is that you might get stuck with a very passive guy. To alleviate some of the problems mentioned above, I would definitely let him decide if there should be a second date. It's really not hard to make a plan, call a woman back, arrange to meet, and have a date. Not hard. This guy's problem doing those few simple steps indicates your feelings are not going to be reciprocated. I'm sorry about that b/c it seems you liked him but as the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to to water but you can't make him drink.
george
Amen sista. I swear we have similar stories. It doesn't sound like he's worth your time and a jerk. At least you took a chance so now you won't always wonder.
Boy oh boy... where to start (foul language to follow, so prepare yourself).
#1... Fuck him (and i don't mean literally). DO NOT, and i repeat DO NOT, give the little prick the satisfaction of pursuit. He got what he wanted, and possibly might have hooked up with you for a romp in the sack (a 2nd romp that is), but beyond that, he was out to conquer & manipulate, and that's it. I say that not to hurt, but to educate. Men are pigs. trust me... I am one (a man, not a pig, but I know men, and no I'm not gay... I'm married, but I still know men are pigs because I actually used to be a HUGE pig back in the day).
#2... Fuck him
#3... Fuck him and forget about him
#4... (You get the idea)
Anyone have an idea as to when men stop being pigs?
Question of the ages, my dear… question of the ages. I was an ass all the way through college and into my mid-late 20's. I think when I moved to London I grew up a lot (that was at 28). Now that I think about it, 28 was a truly pivotal year for me.
Justine… all I can ask is that you have patience and understanding. We of the weaker sex are just that… weak. Bear with us. Some of us can be wonderful, caring, forgiving, trusting, honest, passionate, compassionate, trustworthy men. I’m sure you will find “him” (or maybe HE’LL find YOU) one day.
I don’t know you for Adam, but I’ve read most of your stuff (as of today after I stumbled upon you) and you come across as a fairly well rounded, educated young woman. He’s out there…
(If you’ve read any of my stuff, I bet you’d never guess you were talking to the same person that wrote all that stuff… eh?)
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