Now I remember why I'm so insecure

As much as the past has scarred me, it has been a distant memory and I had forgotten who I was before I had started college. Today I was reminded of who I was when I was in high school.

I had met up with a friend of mine, The Historian, whom I haven't seen in 3 1/2 years. She and I are both horrible at keeping in touch with people so it really comes at no surprise that it's been that long. I recognized her as soon as I saw her standing outside of Five Points. She hadn't changed a bit.

We entered the restaurant for our favorite past time - eating. Brunch was fantastic and completely well worth all my anticipation. We started with mimosas and shared an order of churros and hot chocolate. The churros were tasty (and surprisingly thick and plentiful - I was not expecting five churros over one inch in diameter), but they weren't covered in enough sugar. That was corrected by dipping them in the warm, thick, hot chocolate. They didn't match up to the warm doughnuts I had at Stanton Social the other night, but they were still gratifying. What deep fried food isn't? Then we proceded with the meal. I had the turkey pot pie, which was absolutely to die for! It wasn't technically a pie, you see. The turkey filling was placed in the bottom of the dish. The sauce was neither too thick nor too thin. There were just enough vegetables and they were not overcooked or mushy, but they weren't too raw either. On top was a gently placed biscuit. The biscuit was fabulous as well! I could have eaten it all on its own. It was crispy, golden brown, and flaky on top and fluffy on the bottom. These two parts put together made for one really great dish and one very satisfied eater.

We continued to shop in the area. Two pitstops were at spaces where new and upcoming designers rent space to sell their goods. It was totally interesting to see what they had created. I really give these people credit - their work is what they have a passion for even though they've placed themselves in a precarious financial position. Besides that, some of them were really talented. They created unique pieces that were beautifully put together. I was tempted to buy a lot of clothes/jewelry, but I controlled myself and only got one citron necklace. It became a must have for me because I can wear it as a necklace three ways and as a belt. Come to think of it, I was so entranced by it's multipurpose nature that I never really checked the mirror to see what it looked like on me.

Wandering around SoHo was fun and much more enlightening than I had expected it to be. Chatting with The Historian had brought me back to the past. With comments she made in passing I remembered that in high school I wasn't part of the "in" crowd. Don't get me wrong - I had my circle of friends and had good times with them, but we were not the popular, pretty, pecunious, party girls. We had formed our own little cocoon and accepted each other's idosyncracies. We worked hard at school. We were obedient. We ate a lot. We got far more enjoyment out of the little things in life. We were fanatics of various things, things that many teenagers don't care for - Footloose, *NSYNC, Rent, Harry Potter, baseball and the list goes on and on. We were aware of things our peers never really discussed outside of school and found joy debating things like politics or religion. We had fun in our own way, but we didn't have fun with the in-crowd. We weren't complete social outcasts though; we had an amicable relationship with the in girls, but they were merely acquaintances. We were dorky, but that was ok because we could all be dorky together.

In any case, as comfortable as I was in my own group, I was more than aware of the fact that I was excluded from parties and other such gatherings. I didn't start getting pretty until the end of my junior year and I didn't really become "attractive" until the summer after I graduated high school. I was completely a late bloomer and even now I lack some key social skills. I didn't have a boyfriend until my freshman year of college and up until then I had worried that I wouldn't kiss anyone before I died. Yes, it was that bad.

Then college happened. My first year was horrible. I was a fish out of water. There wasn't anyone I really cared to socialize with. I transfered to another campus after a year. Ever since then, things have been on the up and up. Pledging my sorority has been one of the best things I've done thus far and that was really the first time I was ever part of anything that even remotely resembed the "in" crowed. Even though I didn't have an endless amount of friends in Greek life, girls in my sorority were (and still are) friends with girls in other sororities and guys in fraternities - in historically white, black and Latino Greek letter organizations. We can pretty much have a good time with anyone and people appreciate that about us. I didn't transform into Ms. Popular by any means in college, but I was far more comfortable in my own skin. (The extra male attention didn't hurt either).

Essentially the past two years temporarily erased my four years of high school and I had completely forgotten why I'm still insecure to this very day. Now that I remember, I hope I can do something about it.