Resolutions

I may be overwhelming myself with the number of resolutions I have made for this year, but they are all things that I think are fairly imperative. I've already begun acting on most of them, but frequently that isn't the hard part. It's more difficult for me to keep going. Eventually there will be a million and one excuses that will tempt me not to continue my progress - indolence, love of food, lethargy, lack of self control & self discipline, loneliness, fear, paranoia, and so many more. As of now though I'm surprisingly motivated and I will use that motivation to its fullest.

1. I will not call or speak to him. There is no reason why I should. I should not want to associate with someone who has no interest in me. I am a great person and there is someone out there who will appreciate me. I do not have to keep taking blow after blow to my self-esteem simply because he doesn't know what he wants. Plus, I'm young. I want to have fun. I want to meet other people. I want to do things for myself and stop setting myself aside for him.

I've been fairly successful with this. I haven't contacted him since early December. I think about him still, though. That'll only stop over a longer period of time.

2. I will get healthy. I will not continue to eat when I'm already full. I will eat smaller portions so I can still enjoy eating a variety of food, but not overeat. I will exercise. I will be healthy enough not to get winded after jogging for a few minutes. There is no reason why I should get winded at the age of 21. I am old enough to understand that my family has a history of high blood pressure, diabetes, and cancer and to do something about it. Exercise and eating healthy will lower my risk and hopefully give me a better standard of living when I am old. I'm not gonna deny it though - I mainly want to be healthy now so my clothes fit and look better.

I'm trying really hard to eat more healthy food. It's just really hard in my house where there is a never ending supply for candy, cookies, cakes, chocolate, snack foods, and leftovers. Not to mention huge amounts of dinner every night. I really am trying. I've been using the elliptical machine at least 4 times a week, but like I said I'm easily winded since I'm so out of shape so I don't stay on for very long. I've called a gym to join, but whenever they call me back I'm not around and every time I call them back my contact isn't there. That's been fairly frustrating - especially because I don't know how long this motivation is going to last. Anyone know of a better gym for me to call? I'm looking for someone to teach me how to use the equipment, clean showers, lockers, and a pool, somewhere in midtown (anywhere from 5th Ave to 8th Ave between Columbus Circle and 40th St) or something close to the N,R,Q,W. Preferably nothing too expensive, but I'm willing to spend more for a clean place to shower afterwards.

3. I will *finally* try new activities. I have a list of things I've always wanted to do. I will start chipping away at this list. I will try new things. I will not fear doing these things without a friend in tow. I do not need to allow self imposed social anxiety prevent me from doing what I want to do or exploring new interests. Besides, it'll be a good opportunity to make new friends.

I've already gone out on a limb and I've signed up for a cooking class in February. I've also decided that I'm going to go to an event - I'll let you know more about that after I go. I feel a bit silly even thinking about going to this, but I can't rule it out if I've never gone before.

4. This is closely related to the previous resolution - I will do things outside of my comfort zone. I will learn to say no. I will stop placating people at my own expense.

We'll see how this goes.

Here's to a new year!